I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
