listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
