I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
