Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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