Where did you get a picture of my penis
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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