What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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