My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
