They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
