Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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