Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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