Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
