i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
