Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
