Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
