if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
