I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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