We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
