I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
