May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
