I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
