Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
