nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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