you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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