Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
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I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
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You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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