woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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