U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
How naked do you want me to be?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
