My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
