you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Randomize
