hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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