This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
