I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
