Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
