Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
