Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize