i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
