Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
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Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
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