connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
pray to the hookup gods
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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