You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
