You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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