apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
