he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
