I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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