I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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