he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
