Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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