Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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