i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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