Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
