this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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