I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
