I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
