Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
