a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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