I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
