my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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