if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
