New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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