Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
