she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
